Its a conspiracy...

I had the rare opportunity this week of getting my driver's license renewed. I think that there is a possibility that the DMV has been secretly infiltrated by an anti-american group that is set on driving our self esteem into the dirt. That camera that they use may LOOK like it was spawned in the 1950's, but really it is equipped with a state of the art uglifying lense. They WANT your driver's license photo to look like a mug shot.

Here in Oregon they have changed their policies so that you only have to renew your license every 8 years. The only pros I can see in this are that I won't have to visit the DMV again for a very long time, and when I am heading towards age 42, my I.D. will still show me looking like a 34 year old criminal.

The cons are substantially worse. Here are some of them.

The weight I am now will be unchangeable on my license for the next eight years. I suppose if I wasn't overweight that would be a good thing, as it has been for the last few years when my license listed my weight as 15 pounds lighter than I really am. Now though, if I should actually lose any of that weight that I have been meaning to lose for the last five years (it could happen) I am still stuck with today's weight imprinted on my license until I move out of state or it expires. (Yes, I thought about lying, but I am an overly honest person).

I have to see that picture on a regular basis every time I open my wallet to buy something. This is a key component in the AADDAC (or Anti-American's Devoted to Destroying American Confidence) plan. Not only will I have to suffer by looking at that horrible photo, but I will also have to suffer the humiliation of presenting my ID to various checkers, bank tellers and other sundry people to verify my identity. I will watch as they study the photo, then look at me, and I will be hoping that they say "Hey! This CAN'T be YOU! You look way better than that!" all the while knowing that they will in fact, decide that I am indeed the ugly person in the picture. Those AADDAC's are subtle I tell you. Every time my identity is verified it will be like a little poke to my self esteem.

I have a solution to this problem. I think they should hire the people that started glamour shots to do the DMV photos. Just think of the photos! Women in feather boa's actually smiling or looking mysterious for the camera or even a nice rose or exotic bloom in the picture! They could have a stylist there to make men's hair look stylish, or at least combed (or messy if that is the current in look). Better yet we could just have a good photographer there that lets us show our true individuality in our pictures. So what if we don't really look like that every day! I like to think that most of us don't really look like our current mug shots show us looking either. At least we will feel good whenever we see our license because we will know that we CAN look like that. I say DOWN WITH THE AADDAC! Join the fight for a better America!