I don't know if this is a scientifically proven fact or not, but Cow People seem to be a common thing. On the outside, they seem like normal people, act like normal people, look like normal people, and yet they walk around chewing their cud.
By cud I mean chewing gum. Now of course there are some people that manage to keep some kind of control over their gum chewing, and then there are people like the one I saw today. I guess the word...saw...is misleading. I did eventually see the person, but I heard her first.
Son 8 (as in age 8) had TaeKwonDo lessons today, as is the case with every Tuesday and Thursday. Today though, there was a parents meeting after class, and so some parents showed up early. I always stay for the class, so I was already there. I sensed the presence of someone coming in and sitting down in the chair next to me. I hadn't paid any attention to who it was, because I was in the middle of drawing some house plans for some changes I would like to make on our house.
Anyhow, as soon as the person sat down, I heard this awful noise. This sucking, squishing, juicy noise. I think that Hollywood would pay this lady good money to stand next to a microphone and make those noises for use as a movie sound effect. Things that come to mind for its use, are the sucking sound of a bullet being removed from someone; a slobbering, drooling creature salivating over its next victim; a muddy bog waiting to pull someone to their doom; wild animals feeding on their prey; or basically any disgusting, slimy sound. However, she was just chewing her gum. I am not talking about any casual kind of chewing. I thought she might be going for some kind of loudest chewing world record.
So what is the attraction of gum chewing? Is it some throwback to sucking a pacifier? Some crazy weight loss diet? A tool devised to drive normal people insane? Perhaps she was a world champion jaw muscle builder, and she was just getting her workout...or maybe all the squeaking and sucking is some kind of alien language that other people just can't grasp. I personally think that sometime in the near future, we are going to be standing in the checkout line at the grocery store, and we will see the following headline on the cover of a gossip magazine. "Scientists Discover Freak Human/Cow Hybrids...Details and photos inside."
By cud I mean chewing gum. Now of course there are some people that manage to keep some kind of control over their gum chewing, and then there are people like the one I saw today. I guess the word...saw...is misleading. I did eventually see the person, but I heard her first.
Son 8 (as in age 8) had TaeKwonDo lessons today, as is the case with every Tuesday and Thursday. Today though, there was a parents meeting after class, and so some parents showed up early. I always stay for the class, so I was already there. I sensed the presence of someone coming in and sitting down in the chair next to me. I hadn't paid any attention to who it was, because I was in the middle of drawing some house plans for some changes I would like to make on our house.
Anyhow, as soon as the person sat down, I heard this awful noise. This sucking, squishing, juicy noise. I think that Hollywood would pay this lady good money to stand next to a microphone and make those noises for use as a movie sound effect. Things that come to mind for its use, are the sucking sound of a bullet being removed from someone; a slobbering, drooling creature salivating over its next victim; a muddy bog waiting to pull someone to their doom; wild animals feeding on their prey; or basically any disgusting, slimy sound. However, she was just chewing her gum. I am not talking about any casual kind of chewing. I thought she might be going for some kind of loudest chewing world record.
So what is the attraction of gum chewing? Is it some throwback to sucking a pacifier? Some crazy weight loss diet? A tool devised to drive normal people insane? Perhaps she was a world champion jaw muscle builder, and she was just getting her workout...or maybe all the squeaking and sucking is some kind of alien language that other people just can't grasp. I personally think that sometime in the near future, we are going to be standing in the checkout line at the grocery store, and we will see the following headline on the cover of a gossip magazine. "Scientists Discover Freak Human/Cow Hybrids...Details and photos inside."
2 comments:
People chew gum so they don't have to brush their teeth. Trust me, I know about this stuff, I lived in France for awhile.
You just finished eating garlic and onions for lunch, you have 4 options. 1)stand close and talk to people and lose your friends. 2)Keep your mouth shut and nobody will know. 3) Brush your teeth, a novel idea in personal hygiene. 4)Make loud, annoying sounds with chewing gum that doesn't really cover the bad breath so that you have breath and sounds revolting your would-be friends.
I HATE it when people chew gum! Not only do they sound revolting, they immediately lose all appearance of any iota of intellect, and instead look like they removed their brains and are doomed to endlessly move their mouths up and down because they're too stupid to do anything else. Ugggh! It just annoys me to no end! For all you gum chewers out there, I apologize. I know I know, sometimes even good people chew gum.
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